Prelude to a diss?

It’s come up on Should I Dump Him Or Not!?! a few times now...Is bad kissing a deal-breaker?

A psychologist at the State University of New York at Albany--with the coincidental surname Gallup--raised this issue in a survey: “Have you ever found yourself attracted to someone, only to discover after kissing them for the first time that you were no longer interested?” Fifty nine percent of male respondents and 66% of female respondents said yes.

“[W]hat transpires during an initial kiss can have a profound effect on the future of that relationship,” Dr. Gallup and his co-authors wrote in a paper published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology.

Further study by Gallup and colleagues of kissing behavior among over 1,000 college students found that the function of kissing differs for Mars and Venus. Based on the responses to three questionnaires--and much prior research--the psychologists believe that women use kissing as a way to assess a potential mate and to grok the status of a relationship with their current partner. Men, however, “appear to use kissing to increase the likelihood of having sex.” (Are you shocked?)

Other survey results: Fifty three percent of men said they would have sex with someone without kissing them first, while less than 15% of women would. And men answering the survey were “much more likely” than women to do the horizontal mambo with someone they considered a bad kisser.

Does he make you stress less?

In “yet another reason to dump a loser” news: To unwind after a stressful day’s work, women can avail themselves of a few options: a glass of wine, the health club’s sadistic Spinning® class, or simply hurrying home to hubby--if they’re happily married, that is.

Psychologists at UCLA have found that happily-joined women recover from the effects of work-related stress faster than less-happily married women. The findings are based on the levels of cortisol, a “stress hormone,” that researchers measured in the saliva of study subjects. Thirty couples participated in the one week study; all the couples had at least two kids, a mortgage and two full-time jobs. (My cortisol level is up just thinking about it.) How blissful the union (or not) didn’t seem to have an effect on the stress hormone patterns in men.

It may be that men shoulder more of the domestic load for women in happier marriages--the psychologists aren’t sure. Still, the study suggests that, for women, a happy relationship may be good for your health. (Guys, in less scientific terms, think: offer foot rub, help with homework, cook dinner, put kids to bed.)

No bald allowed

I once had an co-worker who had one hard and fast rule when it came to dating: No bald men. I remember thinking this was going a little far...that while she might prefer haired gents, a cue-ball pate shouldn’t automatically disqualify an otherwise good guy.

But in light of a survey from the U.K. I recently read about, my old cube-mate wasn’t necessarily out of line with her focus on the little things: according to one U.K. news source, 25% of the male survey respondents said they’d dumped a girlfriend because they didn’t like her friends; 25% of female survey participants said they’d called it quits because he didn’t wash his hands after using the loo. (Well, those gals may have a point there.)

Other less-than-earth-shattering reasons for men ending relationships included overly chatty women, shopping, too-short haircuts and stubbly legs. (Note to self: charge the shaver). Women taking the survey also found fault with public displays of flatulence, odiferous feet and incompatibilities regarding toilet seat position.

I have to agree, none of these “issues” are pleasant, but are any really deal-breakers? Of course they could be indicative of deeper, more troubling personality traits--or health problems--but for argument’s sake let’s assume they’re not. Are they really impossible to modify with a gentle, yet direct, maybe even somewhat humorous conversation? (“Honey, I know you’re allergic to dogs but if you keep passing gas in public, we’re going to have to get one so you have someone to blame.”)

For couples finding the gift of love this year, there may be a few presents to toss into your shopping cart if you want to make the relationship work. And no, we’re not talking chocolates or roses. For starters, how about some shaving cream, Odor Eaters® and Beano®? And for those tough cases, there’s always a toupee.

Fresh start

Happy new year! January 1 seems like the right date for a launch, so here it is: Should I Dump Him Or Not!?! The Blog. We'll cover all things relationship--from research to rant, from breaking up to, of course, staying together.